We are constantly cribbing about what we lack,
what is bad, what is not working for us. Our day depends on what thoughts we
generate and let it influence our mood and feelings. Do you know, according to
recent studies a human being, on an average has 6200 thoughts in a day. And most
of us must not have noticed that a majority of the negative thoughts that we
have are things that have not really happened, be it past or future. Then we
attach our beliefs to systems and notions and limit our growth potential with
it, or attach our happiness with other people, and recent would be our
obsession with social media.
Let's look at the things that influence our lives to the extent of controlling it and are they really worth it?
1: Our
Past:
You must have heard the saying, “memories to
cherish”, and we cherish things that bring us happiness and joy and not sadness
and bad mood. But most of us are living
continuously in our past. What happened, why it happened and all the emotions
attached to it are relived again and again. Our past controls our lives, our
present and future. Whatever happened, it is now gone, passed so what is the
point of living in the pain? The events in the past have already happened, they
cannot change now, so there is no point regretting it or feeling all the
negative emotions again and again. We tend to remember those things more, that
were painful for us, which were unfair, unjust or harsh but what is the whole
point when it cannot change? If the cause of that pain was a person, then once
again that person may not be remembering all those things and we might be
living in those memories. Again the whole purpose fails. The person who caused
it may be ignorant of it, is living their life as they want and we are reeling under
pain and suffering. Its like letting that person win in torturing you every day,
even when that person has gone far away. The negative emotions become a baggage
and weigh us down in our present, in our now, when we are supposed to love that
day, that moment, we are living in something that happened long ago and not
living in what is happening right now. Live in this today that you control that you are creating, cherish this
moment, look at all the good things, the memories that you are creating now and
make “memories to cherish”
2. Other’s Opinions and Judgments
It is said that “human is a social animal” so,
we all look for acceptance in our actions. But, sometimes the opinions are too
baseless and not worth paying attention to, especially when it starts to
control our lives. We are constantly
trying to fit in and many a times do things that we normally would not have
done, but still go ahead in order to fit in the crowd. We may have a different opinion about
something, we have all the reasons to support our opinion but we still end up
agreeing to everyone because we want to be a part of the common discourse. We need to
think and logically reason our actions, if we are doing it because that’s
what is required or because of fear of someone or because I am worried about
what others will think, then the result may also not be what we anticipate because we did not act as per our belief as per our intuition. We all are unique individuals, the simplest thing is
our name, if we all would have been same then our names also would have been
same, a person is X then another is Y, it’s for a reason. We all are uniquely
distinct. And the most important thing
is, the people who really love us, who actually wish for our betterment and
happiness accept us just the way we are and what and how we think. They will never judge us for
our opinions, looks or habits. They will guide us, of course if we are straying
but that is it. We all are born to stand out but this desire for acceptance by
all makes us disappear in the crowd. We
need to shine bright, people who love us will love us for who we are and
remaining will always have something to complain. So relax and Shine!
3.
Limiting beliefs:
We run on a belief system, this thing will
work for me, let me do it, this thing will not work for it, let me stay away
from it. A lot of our beliefs are unconscious, something that has been
conditioned in our minds since we were very young. We keep hearing things, like
it’s difficult to earn money or not everyone can be rich, or something similar.
As we continuously keep hearing the same things, we develop a belief that these
things are actually difficult or problematic. We do not take the plunge because
of these limiting beliefs and do not use our full potential. There is nothing that
cannot be done, everything is possible. Once we change our belief everything
becomes possible, we can unleash our potential. Just a thought, that “anything
is possible” makes us see at the actions we can take to accomplish the task.
The brain automatically starts to look for methods to do it, but if we are
constantly thinking, I cant do it, this is not possible, then all we will find
is, reasons as to why that task is impossible. It’s the same situation, same
circumstance, only the belief system of yes or no creates a sea of
difference. If we are strong, if we are willing then nothing can stop us,
“where there is a will, there is a way”.
4.
Toxic Relationships:
Human bonding, emotions, love, care, we all
crave for these emotions. We feel so alive and full of energy when we are
experiencing love and care. It makes us feel complete, everything feels worth
it. Great! But then, one break-up, and the world comes tumbling down.
Indifference of just one person, especially girlfriend/ boyfriend means the
world to us. There may be tens of people
around us who love us so much but the moment that one person becomes cruel, rude, indifferent, we all suffer a breakdown. Why is our life revolving around that
one person? Does no other relation matter? What is the whole point of relations
in our lives? To bring happiness, to make life worth living, to look forward to
the day, to make every day beautiful, satisfying. But, then any relationship that continuously gives us
sadness, makes us feel low, worthless, what is the whole point of it then? I
have seen many people get into relationships just because they cannot live
alone, or “ they don’t want to die single” simply put. Well, technically we all
die Single, no one dies naturally in
pairs, as partners. I personally know a
person in a toxic relationship, that person literally has nothing positive to
say about their relationship but still is clinging on to it because dying alone
is scary. The most important person to love is Oneself. We need to love our
self the most, to such an extent that we do not settle for anything that we do
not deserve. Others do not make us happy, they may add to our happiness of course but our happiness is not wholly and sloely dependent on others. We all
should learn to be happy whether we are single or with people.
Then there are relations, that are a bad
influence on us, who demotivate us, stop us from being our best selves. Such
relations also hold no place or value in our lives. De-cluttering relations is
an excellent way to maintain sanity. Remove all the relations that are adding
no value to our lives, it will save us the energy we spend on these useless
relations and we can take these very energies and use them on people who truly
love and care for us.
5. Excessive and Senseless Usage of Social
media.
This point can sound preachy, but yes we get
caught in a chain and cycle of things we consume that may be harming us more,
rather that benefiting us. “excess of anything is bad” this line has been said
and heard by most of us. Excessive consumption of alcohol, cigarettes, in fact
even food is bad for us. I had seen a documentary where a woman was addicted to
exercise and she exercised so much, she was all bones, constantly
tired and exhausted yet continued to work out for hours every day despite the doctors advising against it.
We all have smartphones, internet is easily
available, is cheaper and high speed. We all are glued to our mobile screens
day in and out. Apart from the harmful effect on our eyes, we have stopped to
interact with people also. Social media has made us anti-social, human
interaction is decreasing. The major point over here is, what are we watching,
what is our digital consumption? Is it helping us develop some skill, helping
us improve our lives, making us happier or is it just the vice versa? I was
watching the trending video list and there was this video which had millions of
views where a social media influencer “just cried”, literally just cried for
13-14 minutes as the data of her phone was deleted. Imagine, where we have
come, what are we watching? Just go and see the views on videos of these “famous” people
who shoot themselves just doing usual things, eating, bathing, sitting,
sleeping, shitting, its in millions. so much of free time? Can we not spend the same time
with our families and create those same memories with our loved ones, people
who are around us?
The same platform has so much useful content of
every thing that we want to know of, books, their summaries, tutorials of
make-up, computer programs, cooking, personality development and motivational
stuff. Imagine, practicing that software program for just 10 minutes a day,
from video/ blog tutorial, or reading or listening to the book summary of a 500
pages book that you cannot read due to lack of time, to perfecting that smoky
eye look, rather than watching someone else doing their every day shit. The content
that we consume, is it value based, entertainment, educational, motivational?
Choose the content wisely that you consume, time is precious, use it to its
optimum. And now, with so many free, open sources and web based learning system let
your skills flourish.
Bonus addition:
6. Money
Now, this factor must have surprised you? If a list was created on the things that
control all of us in this world, money would be very very high in the list,
undoubtedly. But the impact and influence it has in our lives is huge! It’s not
related to my limited beliefs that lot of money is bad, or we should not strive
for big amounts of money. Money can and does great things for people, we use it
to help ourselves and others. The only point is that the decisions should not
be influenced by money as the sole factor. If a decision is made based on just
the money, then we might take the wrong decisions. Many a times, when there is
a requirement of money for a noble intention and we make decisions based on our
intuition and not on money, we end up getting money from somewhere or the
other, and the amounts are way bigger than anticipated. Just think about the
decisions, are they totally money based or there are other things also that
have been considered in the decision? I want to open a business, but I don’t
have money (I think so) so I don’t take a risk, I will not venture into it. But
if I look at the possibilities of the business being a success and the money it
will create in the future, I will look for ways to start that business.
Another example is when people start bringing money in relationships. People start calculating everything in the terms of money. I spent 100 bucks so the other person also has to spend 100 bucks on me. Of course it has to be obvious, one person cannot continue to bear the expenses, it has to be mutual. And yes, there are people who try to be extra smart and never pay for anything expecting the other person to pay all the time, irrespective of how much they are earning. Barring these few cases, if one can afford it and can pay, they everyone should be equally pooling in, going dutch as they say. We cannot deny that money is extremely important, but when money becomes one and only factor in decisions the it becomes a problem.
Our lives are affected by a lot of things, and the above mentioned 6 things influence our lives quite a lot. But,
are these things helping us lead a happier life or are these things making our
lives sad and depressing? It is for us to decide what do we choose, and how
influenced or controlled are we by it!
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